My Death Revised
by emo barbie
Summary: Someone at sacred heart has died, and it seems everyones taking it a different way. Especially Dr Cox. Jdox. Warning: character death.  Revised version, not a happy ending. Read original My Death for happy.


Title: **My Death {Reversioned}**

Author: **Emo Barbie**

Summary: **Someone at sacred heart has died, and it seems everyones taking it a different way. Especially Dr Cox. Jdox, character death.**

Disclaimer: **I do not own Scrubs, there, need anything else? No, good.**

Extra: **For those who have read my oneshot My Death, I didn't like how it came out after I reread it after a year or more...really. So I decided to make a new better one, same sorta story just little changes...and a not so nice ending. So if your hear to see a little happier ending go to My Death, the original one shot. Cause this has none of that happiness in the end sorry.**

**And by the way those XOXOXO's are my Dividers, since Fanfiction has removed all my USual Dividers from all my fanfics**

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_**My Death**_

_It's kinda funny how so many people react differently to death..._

For a morning such as this at Sacred Heart, it was actually quit quite. There wasn't nearly as much chatter as there usually was. Sure there was the beeping of patients monitor's the sound of chart papers as they were flipped and charts snapped shut, the usual doctor's order here or there; but other then that...it was silent.

_Like how some of us just put ourselves into our work to busy our minds, and take it all away from the subject..._

Elliot stepped up to the nurse's station and threw down five of her charts. "Carla, I have a man in room 403 who will be needing a bypass. A women in room 412 who needs a S.W.A.N taken right away. Another..."

_Or how some rather take their emotions and take then out on others..._

"You there, boy-" Kelso moved towards an intern, the poor boy staring back with wide-eyes as the head of medicine made a bee-line for him. "What in blue-blazes do you think your doing-?"

_There's also those few who hide themselves away until their able to finally face the world and it's reality again._

Turk sat on the bed, his eyes scanning the room before they fell down towards the floor and he curled back up onto the bed. He wasn't dead, he wasn't...he wasn't. Turk was sure of it. He had gone off on a little vacation was all...that was why he was no longer around. He had simply went to clear his head and he was going to be right back, joking about how Turk had been such a baby about him being gone. Yes, that was right. He wasn't dead. He was so sure of that...cause there was no way he could have died...

_And though it's uncommon, there are always those who choose to simply forget it, and act as if the death had never even occurred._

Hey, Dr Cox..." J.D clutched a patients chart to his chest as he stepped into an empty patients room, finding the older doctor staring down at the bed.

"Newbie...?" He turned to study the other before shaking his head. "What?" He glowered.

"Well...our patient...he's...kinda needing us." J.D motioned towards the chart in his hand.

"Right." Dr Cox cleared his throat, turning and snatching the chart out of the other doctor's hand as he stormed out of the room.

J.D glanced at the now empty bed, the covers had since been removed and new one's had replaced them. But of course, no one was going to leave bloody sheets on a hospital bed so that they would soak through; Kelso would have had a cow. After all, the patient had long since deceased and there was no sense in leaving the blood there as if a memorial to the dead, after all a picture or flowers would have been more sentimental a memorial then a bloody hospital sheet.

With a small, but half-hearted none the less, smile, J.D turned and headed off towards the patients room where Dr Cox has stormed off to.

**_*XOXOXO*_**

For some reason the interns were more annoying then usual for Dr Cox. Every single time the doctor had found himself some free time, he was suddenly bombarded by the stupid kids.

"Now I see how I must have been." J.D let out a small chuckle as he shook his head, watching another dejected intern step out of the break room after being snapped at by Dr Cox.

"No, you were...special." Dr Cox allowed a grin to cross his face.

"Really?" J.D's grin widened as his eyes lite up.

"Yeah, you were...my punching bag."

J.D's grin fell as he sent a glare at the other doctor, but Dr Cox simply directed his attention back at the television.

The young doctor watched his mentor for some time before he finally spoke up again. "Hey, Perry..." The doctor took his attention away from the T.V to look at J.D. "are you going to my-"

"Dr Cox." The other doctor turned to glare at the interruption, yet another intern.

"What?" He snapped. "Can't you see I'm busy?"

The intern glanced around the room before finally his eyes rested on the television. "Oh...sorry." He muttered. "But I just wanted to know if-"

"If I wanted to go to dinner, or get a beer, or go shoot pool, hit the clubs, the gym?" Dr Cox snapped. "No matter how many time's you guys ask, and no matter how many different places you possible find that I _may_ just have the _tinniest _interest in...I will not go _anywhere, _with _any _of you." Dr Cox hardened his glare at the other, until finally the intern turned and left. "Stupid kids, you know-" Dr Cox turned his attention back towards J.D but the other had already up and left. "Damn." He muttered.

**_*XOXOXO*_**

_I don't quite understand it myself..._

"Newbie, will you come over here and help me with our patient?" Dr Cox growled in annoyance as he turned to see J.D staring at him from the doorway.

_Why people react the way they do when someone dies..._

"Right..." J.D muttered stepping into the room, but instead of helping like he was asked, he went off into another conversation. Asking the doctor the question he'd been trying to force onto the other for some time now. "Hey, Dr Cox, you know maybe you should rent a suit for the-"

"I don't need a suit." The other cut in.

"But, don't you need one for the-"

"Dr Cox, I was wondering if you could help me with my patient." Dr Cox turned a hardened glare at the other.

"Do you guys like making a habit out of interrupting people?"

"What?" The intern blinked in confusion.

"Just...go ask Dr Reid or something, I'm busy." Dr Cox huffed before returning back to scribbling on his chart.

The intern gave Dr Cox a worried look before turning and heading out of the room, J.D watching the boy until he had vanished.

"Maybe you should take one of those interns offers, I mean, they all seem to want you as their mentor." J.D shrugged his shoulders.

"Why do I need them? I still have you following me around, Newbie."

Dr Cox turned to give J.D a wink, but before he knew it the kid was gone, _again._

**_*XOXOXO*_**

"Why do you keep disappearing on me?" Dr Cox growled as his eyes followed the other through the kitchen.

"I don't know what you mean?" J.D muttered as he closed the door to the fridge.

"You disappeared twice today on me, and right in the middle of our conversation."

J.D gave a meek shrug. "Well, you seemed preoccupied, so I took the initiative to go tend to other patients."

"Yeah, but-" Dr Cox's attention was brought towards the apartment door as it opened and Jordan stepped in. "What are you doing here?" He muttered, furrowing his brows.

"Well, I came to check on you." Jordan shrugged her shoulder's.

"Check on me?" Dr Cox let out a sneering laugh. "What for?" He suddenly became serious as he growled the response.

"Well...I mean, I thought maybe you wanted some company. Little Miss Work-a-Holic said that you were acting a bit off since the...you know." She tried to give the other a small smile.

"Know what?" Dr Cox blinked in confusion.

"The funeral-Perry are you drunk?" Jordan looked the other over, accusing the other before the previous words had really ever left her mouth.

"No." Dr Cox motioned towards his cup. "That's only my second glass since I got home." The doctor watched as J.D exited out of the kitchen and made his way towards them, however Jordan didn't even seem to notice, either that or she paid him no heed. "Now, if you don't mind-" He motioned towards the door. "Me and J.D would like some alone time."

At those words Jordan gaped at him, furrowing her sharpened eyebrows before taking a step towards him. "Perry, how many fingers am I holding up?"

Dr Cox glared at the women. "four."

"No, I'm holding-" Jordan started up, but Dr Cox cut her off.

"A thumb isn't a finger Jordan, you're holding up _four _fingers."

Jordan glared at the other. "Fine. What's todays date?"

"It's the 27th. Jordan, what is with you?" Dr Cox stood from the sofa.

Jordan opened her mouth as if to retaliate, but instead she gave a simple "Nothing." She sighed and pulled her pursue farther up onto her shoulder.

"Well, then why not leave me alone? Go bother someone else while your in town." He muttered turning and plopping back onto the sofa.

"Fine...I'll...be going then." She gave Dr Cox a nod before glancing around the room, her eyes never lingering to long on anything, as if...as if she was searching for something but she couldn't find it and gave another sigh before leaving the apartment.

"What was that about?" J.D sat plopped down onto the sofa next to Perry, though the couch didn't even seem to take notice of him.

"How in the hell should I know?" Dr Cox growled. "Like I know what the hell is going through that women's mind. She's probably the one drunk." Dr Cox shook his head as he brought his scotch glass back towards his lips.

_***XOXOXO***_

_You know, even though we all have our own ways of dealing with Death, sooner or later we all get over that death...some of us get over it on our own..._

Kelso made his way into the hospital, a smile on his face as he tossed his keys up into the air and caught them again. He noticed the scurrying of interns as he made his way down the hall, obviously trying to get out of his way before they were targeted. Kelso turned his gaze to watch them, the few stragglers froze, like deers in a headlight. "Good day, boys." He gave them a curt nod before continuing on, whistling to himself.

_Some of us just need to see those who already have..._

Carla took a seat next to Elliot, a hand covering the book that the blonde was reading. "Elliot...your working yourself to death, you haven't slept in three days." Carla muttered, she could tell from the dark circle's under Elliot's eyes.

"Well, Carla..." Elliot swept the hair out of her eyes in a quick motion, but it fell back all the same. "Unlike you, _I _can not recover as fast. I mean..." Elliot shook her head slowly. "Carla, you don't even look like you care. Every minute I'm not working or doing something, he pops back into my head, but you...you just go on walking around with that smile on your face like his death was **nothing.** Do you even care that he's gone Carla?"

"I do." Carla turned her eyes towards the table. "Elliot...I've just lost one of the closet people to me...and in truth..I'm a mess, I can't eat, can't sleep...but...I know that...he wouldn't have wanted me to go around and sulk...or, throw myself into work. Elliot, I think he would have wanted me to be happy, not because he died, Elliot, but because he would have wanted me to be happy _for _him. Because...because he can't do it himself. So we have to be happy for him now. You have to live your life, you have to go on and keep living for him, Elliot. I'm sure that's what he _would _have wanted."

Elliot gave the other a smile as she closed the book. "Yeah...I guess your right."

_And some just need a little helping hand..._

"Turk, buddy, ya gotta come out of here sometime." J.D motioned around his old room. "I mean, man...your dirtying up my nice pad."

Turk didn't say anything. He just sat there staring at the rug that sat at the foot of J.D's bed.

"Hey, I know. I want you to do something with it!"

Turk furrowed his brows, but finally stood up and made his way towards J.D's bookshelf across the room and reaching out, he grabbed a hold of a book that was resting against the rest, as if J.D hadn't had the mind to put it back where it belonged.

J.D let out a nervous laugh. "Yeah...I was gonna tell you about that, you see, I was thinking for some time, that maybe...you would let me pick out a name for your first baby...so I got a baby book, you know."

"Naming My Baby...?" Turk opened the book and began flipping through it.

"Yeah, you know, I even circled the one that I was thinking of for a good boys name."

Turk's eyes caught sight of something circled and he let out a chuckle. "Tiger?"

"Like Tiger woods you know! He could be like some kind of awesome golf pro! Or maybe you were thinking Basketball? I wasn't to sure though..."

"A baby huh?" Turk let out a chuckle. "I don't think that's such a bad idea." And for the first time a smile was pulled onto Turk's face as she pocketed the small book.

_But then of course..._

"Hey, Dr Cox about the funeral next week-"

"Newbie, I ain't going to no patients funeral." Dr Cox turned to glare at the other.

"But, I'm not talking about just any pa-"

There was a sharp whistle that cut him off, and Dr Cox moved past him. "No time for chit chat!" Was the only thing he had gotten out of the man before he was gone.

_When someone chooses to forget the death...you find it a lot harder to remind them, let alone help them to move on._

**_*XOXOXO*_**

_It's a little scary, really, when you think of it._

"Hey Dr Cox..."

_If you haven't made a big impact in this life of yours..._

"I know you don't want to hear it, but...the funeral is this Tuesday."

_Then once you die, your forgotten._

"Newbie, I've already told you that I'm not going to some damn funeral."

_But sometimes..._

"Why not?"

_By dieing, some realize how big of an impact they had created on other people._

"I don't even remember who the damn things for anyways."

_But sometimes, because of those impacts_...

"Then does that mean your okay to move on?"

_Some people find themselves held back..._

"What?" Dr Cox furrowed his brows.

"Well, I thought that maybe if you forget that means that your ready to move on with your life? Like your ready to forget that person."

"What the hell are you getting at, Newbie?" Dr Cox snapped at him, raising his scotch glass to his lips.

"Well, I was just thinking that if you have forgotten that person, then you obviously don't care about who is affects_, _right? So...you can continue your life...without me?"

"Stop talking bullshit, J.D, your getting annoying."

"But it's true right?"

Dr Cox felt a sudden flash of anger hit him. "Yeah, sure, why not? It means I'm ready to continue my life _without you._ Are you happy?"

"Yes." To Dr Cox's surprise J.D gave him a smile and turned on his heels.

For some reason the other wanted to take it back, tell him to wait, and that he hadn't meant it...but that wasn't like him, so instead he sat back down...and watched as J.D opened the door.

"Oh, and Perry...do me a favor..." J.D paused at the door. "even when you do move on...don't forget me." J.D gave the other a wink before he closed the door.

"Idiot, forget you? I'm just gonna get you back tomorrow." Dr Cox muttered, taking a sip of his scotch, though for some reason he had an uneasy feeling. As if...he was really missing something there.

**_*XOXOXO*_**

Dr Cox made his way towards the nurse's station a scowl on his face.

"Hey Carla, have you seen Newbie?" Dr Cox muttered. Ever since he had started his shift, he had been in search of the kid, and yet there had been no sign of him.

"So you really have been seeing him." Carla muttered.

"What?" Dr Cox huffed, turning his attention towards the other. "Well of course we've-"

"Jordan said that you were talking about him when she was over as well, but I thought..." Carla trailed off as she studied Dr Cox's face. "Perry...how long have you been seeing J.D?"

"What?" Perry furrowed his brows. "Are you asking when we starting seeing each other?"

"No...I mean, when did you start seeing him _after_ the accident."

"What ac-"

_There was the loud squeal of tires and a horrific sound of metal slamming metal just outside the hospital. Dr Cox had put it off as a simple accident and continued to tend to his patients that was...until he received the pager: Bambi's in ER_

_He had made it down there in no time flat, but apparently it didn't matter, J.D would be in there for a good two to three hours._

"_What happened?" He took a seat next to a teary eyes Carla._

"_He was just outside! Just outside! His shift was over and he was heading back towards our apartment, but there was a van parked out front. He couldn't see around it, and when he went to pull out..."_

_Dr Cox turned his attention towards the doors, both Turk and Elliot were leaning up against the wall, both most likely waiting for them to swing open again. But Dr Cox knew better, J.D still had that stupid moped of his, and if he was hit by anything, even a civic, there was no way he'd just simply get off with a few scratches._

_And in the end, he was right. The kid had come out patches up quite nicely, a cracked skull, three broken ribs, a broken arm, fractured leg and his right hand temporarily paralyzed._

"Perry...J.D's dead."

"No..." Dr Cox shook his head. "He came out of that ER fine, he was still breathing. I know he was, I saw him." Dr Cox shook his head.

"Perry, he-"

But before she could clarify the older doctor was already storming past her.

Dr Cox plopped himself down onto the break room sofa, turning his head to stare at the other, as if he would find J.D sitting there like he always was, but...it was empty.

_He had taken J.D as his patient, he hadn't wanted the kids life in anyone else's hands but his own. Especially if the kid was in as bad a condition as he was now. Plus if the kid was his patient he could spend more time with him that way._

_It was every now and then that the kid's eyes would flutter and he would mutter a word, but other then that he was always still, sometimes he would even stop breathing and it would scare the crap out of him before the kid started up again._

_But nothing, nothing, was as bad as when he walked into the hospital, and was suddenly paged._

"_Carla, what's-" J.D was sitting up, thrashing about as doctor's tried to restrain him._

"_I don't know what happened, he just suddenly started screaming and-" Dr Cox pushed past her and grabbed a hold of the kids collar._

"_J.D-J.D-" He shook the other a moment._

"_Perry! His head, don't shake him-!"_

_But her words were nothing but white noise to him as he shook the other again. "J.D!"_

_Finally the other stopped, turning weary eyes until the other. "Perr-" But he was cut off by a sudden cough that was followed by blood._

_Carla shoved Dr Cox out of the way. "You idiot!" She screamed. "Didn't I tell you not to shake him?"_

_As a doctor he should have known, he should have known that even a minor hit to the head could turn the kid for worse, but at that moment he hadn't been thinking as a doctor._

"_J.D! Stay with us!" Carla's voice caught his attention and he finally realized that the monitor's had flat lined..._

"No..." Dr Cox clamped a hand to his mouth as everything suddenly hit him. "No..." He felt the blur of tears as he stared at the table before him, his hand holding his quivering mouth still.

No, this wasn't true. He had seen the kid...talked to him...he'd been...he'd been...

Dr Cox uncovered his mouth at the first realization of it.

He had been the only one who had seen the kid. He should have realized it. The reason why Jordan never noticed J.D behind her, the reason why the interns never seemed to notice that they had just cut into J.D's conversation's...The reason why he had been bothered so much by the interns...it was because...the kid had never been there in the first place...

"God..." Dr Cox rolled his head back, as he forced his eyes shut, holding back the sudden tears that were there. He was in a hospital, he was a doctor, for god sake's he was Dr Percival Cox, he couldn't cry over something stupid like...like..

"God...GOD, GOD!" DR Cox slammed his fist against the coffee table before him, the ugly sound of wood splintering and bones cracking met his ear, and the next thing he knew he felt a sudden intense pain in his hand. But it was the last thing on his mind as he broke down and cried.

**_*XOXOXO*_**

He went to the funeral...

And sat threw the whole service, people cried, plenty of them did, but even though they did, Perry didn't shed a tear. His eyes wattered, but that was it.

"Acting tough is a sign of weakness, you know." Dr Cox turned to see Carla staring at him.

"I'm not acting, I _am _tough." Dr Cox muttered as Carla reached a hand up trying to comfort him and coax out the tears that she knew he was holding onto.

"Well, I'm at least glad you came." Carla muttered as her hand was easily shrugged off.

"Well...what can I say?" Dr Cox muttered leaning forward to stare at the cask that sat before them, lid closed and adorn with flowers, and right in the center of it all was a picture of a smiling young boy who had long ago left this world, yet still haunted it with his memories. The service had ended a while ago, and some people had left, other's had lingered behind, such as himself, Carla and Turk, a few interns of J.D's and a few moments ago Elliot had been there too. Even Jordan had been there, though she had stationed herself way in the back. "Since I've been imagining imagining him for so long, I decided I'd actually come to his funeral to _really_ see him."

"I'm sure if he was here, he'd be happy to."

Dr Cox nodded, turning his head to look around the funeral as if he would see J.D somewhere in the crowd like he had been for some long despite his death. He was still holding onto that one idea that maybe the kid was still alive and playing with him. But he knew such a cruel joke was never the kids thing.

"Yeah..." Dr Cox muttered, as he let out a sigh and allowed his head to fall back down so that he was now staring at his shoes.

"You know, I think he was ready to die." Carla muttered and suddenly Dr Cox was rearing his head back in anger.

"What the fuck is that supposed to mean?" He growled angrily and Carla quickly held up her hands in surrender.

"I just think, that every Doctor knows...that their not invincible. That their going to die someday. And I think J.D already knew he was going to die at one point." Carla shook his head. "Even if it wasn't on that day...I guess...I just thought...in a way it had made me feel better so maybe...I was thinking it would help you."

"Well it doesn't." Dr Cox growled, standing up from where he was sitting. "I don't care if he was ready to die! When he dies, that's just it. He dies. He no longer has to sit on this world and worry about anyone else. He no longer had to care for a patient, or watch one of them die. He doesn't have to walk around the hospital, he no longer has to walk this world and have to worry about everything thats in it. No longer has to feel these emotions that you feel everyday. no longer has to feel that pain when someone close to him dies. But...I'm still here...I'm still living. And I still have to feel all those things. I still have to sit at home everyday and stare at his clothes...stare at his photo's that sit on my shelf...I have to sit at a table where we used to eat dinner Carla...I have to sit on a couch that I had to share with him and watch a movie that we used to watch together. I have to sleep in a bed where we used to sleep together. Use a kitchen where I used to watch as he would cook and sing...and God Carla, he may be gone, and maybe he might have been ready to die, but I sure as hell wasn't ready for him to leave..."

"Perry-" Carla reached out a hand towards the other but the man quickly pulled away.

"If he's so ready to die...if he's gone, then by god it should be illegal to have to live with his memories. If he's gone, then so should everything that ever belonged to him, because...I can't live without...and I sure as hell can't live remember him either." And with that he stormed off.

_***XOXOXO***_

It had already been a week after the funeral, and he thought by now that everyone would be over the fact that Dr John Dorian was gone. But apparently a few of the interns were still mopping around, some were even still wearing those black scrubs that had been handed out by a stupid nurse after the kids death.

"Hey, little Miss sorrow." Dr Cox snapped at an intern who had taken a moment to sulk at the nurse's desk. "I don't care if your father has suddenly died, do you understand me. I want a doctor here, not an emotional little girl, now I advise you go put on those lovely blue scrubs of yours and get back here to tend to your patient."

Dr Cox watched as the girl let out a squeak and hurried off towards the locker room, glancing back nervously, though if she was actually going to change that was beyond him. Dr Cox shook his head as he stormed off towards his next patients room.

The kid was gone. And no matter how many times he had tried to think of the kid as being there, no matter how many times he searched a crowd to spot the kid, his mind wouldn't let him see him again. Even in his own incrimination...there was no longer any Newbie in sight. Because even though he desperately wanted to see the kid, even if seeing him deemed his crazy, and put him in some kind of institution he was living to live mad for the rest of his life if he could just have that male next to him for the rest of his time.

But Dr Cox wasn't mad. He wasn't crazy, and his mind knew that. He knew that that one time had been him cooping. The one instance had been a shelter from reality. But he knew everything now. He had finally come in turns of it in a way, and Reality was to selfish to allow him to have any kind of happiness back. Because dreams are to petty...and Reality is to harsh to allow dreams to live within them, Reality will crush any dream or fairytale that tries to exist in this world.

Dr Cox was just trying to dream, and though reality was simply trying to make sure he got over the other...is sure as hell didn't help.

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**Ah, I still don't like it that much. The most that was changed was the ending. Though it was sorta changed throughout the oneshot...But yeah. Blah XD **

**Review and Read!**


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